I’m opposed to many things but love isn’t one of them. Just because I talk about the difficulties of dating for a woman like me doesn’t mean I am against men. I love men. I could go into more detail, but I really don’t think it would be appropriate.
As it stands, and I will make this public knowledge, I have been in a relationship, fallen in love, trusted someone, and been burned. Do you know what I learned from that relationship?
I learned what most people should already know, but don’t. Trust yourself and love yourself. If you don’t do those two things you will have absolutely no success in relationships. None.
It’s simple, if you don’t love who you are then how can you possibly love the person standing right next to you? How can you even see the person sitting across from you? How can you see yourself? You can’t. You can’t see anything. You are blind, and that’s not good when it comes to love because love is already a hindrance to sight.
Let me see if I can break this down. The man I thought I wanted was tall, dark and handsome. Fun and easy to get along with. Happy and driven and works hard, and he needed to be smart but not necessarily educated. I wanted my dream man to have a passion for something and to be dedicated to his family. And, guess what, I found that. But, do you know what it came with?
The man I thought I would marry one day ended up threatening his own life, having no back bone and doing only what his mother says, having incredible anger issues, and controlled my every move. He was manipulative and talked about our sex life with his buddies. Side note, ladies, if a guy talks about your sex life with other people besides you then it’s a huge red flag. It took me three months to realize that he wasn’t the one for me and I decided to dedicate a year of my life to me. Concentrating on my studies as well as my mental and emotional development and well being.
But now, I am confident and I love who I am and I don’t want to lower my standards just to be with a guy. Things are clearer for me, but the difficulty of my past and present give obstacles for my future. (See what I did there? Clever, no?)
Don’t get caught up in the perfect guy, get caught up in the imperfect you and a guy will come along that will love you for exactly who you are. At least, that’s what I try to tell myself every morning when I wake up.
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Relationships are funny things. I have a picture in my head of what I believe is “right.” I match that up with what I believe I have and if it is a match, I am happy. If it is not a match, I am not happy. People have a picture that they are seeking. The problem is that we all come with baggage, not from past dating relationships, but from the relationships we had or have with our parents. Our parents are the first relationships we have the opportunity to develop. How we manage that influences how we manage dating and marriage. Scary thought.
ReplyDeleteThat is why people say we marry our parents. A daughter will often marry a man who has characteristics of her father and a son will often marry a woman who has characteristics of his mother. However, what if your parents are divorced, which parent’s characteristics do you seek? Can you consciously select characteristics that are not like your parents? If so, is that good or bad?
A movie I like to watch that addresses this topic is, “As Good As It Gets,” with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt. Sometimes we just get what we get and as long as there is no abuse involved, it can be considered a good thing. Is that giving up? Is there a perfect relationship? Is there the perfect guy or the perfect girl? I think the perfect relationship is one in which there is a deep mutual respect. I think with that, pretty much everything else can work itself out.