Every year on Valentine’s Day, and I mean EVERY YEAR, I would inevitably stop dating the person I was with. I mean, I would the dating or even “talking” to someone, then something happens. I thought it was because Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday made up by card companies and I sent off this vibe that I hated it and guys picked that up… but now I think it was just because I had bad luck.
This Valentine’s Day my boyfriend, Ray, bought me tickets to see this country singer named Bobby Clifford. I had never heard of him but apparently he was well known in the country world and Ray was into country.
I hated country music, but I didn’t want to discourage him after he already bought the tickets so I decided to have a really nice time with him. I mean, it’s the company that matters, not what you do, right?
It’s Valentine’s Day night, and I’m not exactly sure how these things work, but isn’t Valentine’s Day supposed to be romantic alone time?
Ray’s version of romantic alone time was having nothing to eat before the concert at 7pm (and I’m literally hungry every 3 or 4 hours, like a child), getting picked up by two other couples who were already drunk, and cramming in the back seat of the tinniest Nisan anyone has ever seen. We parked and I walked half a mile in my beautiful new high-heel shoes. That means the fake leather and plastic weren’t broken in yet so I had the gift of blisters.
Once we got there, after we pushed through all the crowds (I hate crowds), I had the wonderful pleasure of sitting next to a couple who were incredibly inappropriate with their hands and then, in the middle of the night, the guy in back of us split beer all over my seat. Of course, I didn’t notice, and I sat down. Yummy. Oh, and did I mention, I broke my phone so I had no way to call anyone in case of an emergency? I was completely trapped.
After we got home, I was hungry, exhausted because I had no sleep the night before, smelt like rotting beer and all I wanted to do was go to bed. But, of course, it was Valentine’s Day and he just paid tons of money to take me to a “great” concert, so we did what most couples do… I’m sure you can fill in the rest.
Then I realized that my womanly gift hadn’t come when it was supposed to. Bad luck? - Awful luck.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Chapter One - The Beginning (Sort Of)
If I started talking about the very beginning of my journey then I would have to start before my birth, but I am not going back that far. I mean, it’s just too much to explain, so I’ll start somewhere else.
It took me three years to get my Associates degree, which isn’t very good when you think about it. I just graduated and I took the summer and went to California to do a research program. It was a blast traveling across the country alone but I had to come back to real life some time, and when I did I realized how bad by procrastination really was. I mean, getting my associates in three instead of two years showed a little procrastination, but I always had reasons. Like, I needed to work to pay for my books, car payment, car insurance, cell phone bill, 25% tuition (because I had a 75% scholarship), gas, food and rent. I rented a cheap room from this old couple I knew because my parents kicked me out, but that story’s for another time and place.
I wanted to keep going to school because I had my scholarship and I didn’t want to lose it, so when I got back from California I applied to StateU. But, I applied a week too late and was accepted for the next year. Basically, I had an entire five months of no school. This was not good as I get bored very easily, so I moved in with my Dad and got a new, full time, assistant manager job paying way more than I could imagine.
This wasn’t the greatest of all ideas because my Dad is a closet drunk, and I don’t put up with drunks very well, so he kicked me out. Really, I kicked myself out.
That’s where my life began. I was finally free to breath. I started going to school online, I had a brand new boyfriend who was wonderful, a small but great group of friends and a little room that I rented from a lady who was incredibly friendly and easy to live with, Bonnie. The only issues I had were work related, no big deal. I thought I could conquer the world, but on my 22nd birthday things started getting weird.
It took me three years to get my Associates degree, which isn’t very good when you think about it. I just graduated and I took the summer and went to California to do a research program. It was a blast traveling across the country alone but I had to come back to real life some time, and when I did I realized how bad by procrastination really was. I mean, getting my associates in three instead of two years showed a little procrastination, but I always had reasons. Like, I needed to work to pay for my books, car payment, car insurance, cell phone bill, 25% tuition (because I had a 75% scholarship), gas, food and rent. I rented a cheap room from this old couple I knew because my parents kicked me out, but that story’s for another time and place.
I wanted to keep going to school because I had my scholarship and I didn’t want to lose it, so when I got back from California I applied to StateU. But, I applied a week too late and was accepted for the next year. Basically, I had an entire five months of no school. This was not good as I get bored very easily, so I moved in with my Dad and got a new, full time, assistant manager job paying way more than I could imagine.
This wasn’t the greatest of all ideas because my Dad is a closet drunk, and I don’t put up with drunks very well, so he kicked me out. Really, I kicked myself out.
That’s where my life began. I was finally free to breath. I started going to school online, I had a brand new boyfriend who was wonderful, a small but great group of friends and a little room that I rented from a lady who was incredibly friendly and easy to live with, Bonnie. The only issues I had were work related, no big deal. I thought I could conquer the world, but on my 22nd birthday things started getting weird.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Working Title
At 21 everything seems new and fresh. Besides the legally being able to drink, you are able to call yourself a true adult, and that’s what I was doing, calling myself a true adult. I was moving out, on my own, and I had everything figured out. I had the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect place to live, my car was running (which is all I could hope for), and my classes for school were awesome. And when I say awesome, I mean awesome.
But that’s when I should have known, you can’t have everything you want. I mean, there’s always a flaw, a misjudgment. I was only 21, how could I have known it would turn out in disaster? Seriously? It’s like the gods were against me or something, no, they were against me, that’s what the fortune teller said.
I know it’s dorky to go to a fortune teller, but I was desperate. I had to know what was about to happen. Had I not gone to Esmarelda I would have be royally screwed…. Royally.
Maybe I should start from the beginning…
But that’s when I should have known, you can’t have everything you want. I mean, there’s always a flaw, a misjudgment. I was only 21, how could I have known it would turn out in disaster? Seriously? It’s like the gods were against me or something, no, they were against me, that’s what the fortune teller said.
I know it’s dorky to go to a fortune teller, but I was desperate. I had to know what was about to happen. Had I not gone to Esmarelda I would have be royally screwed…. Royally.
Maybe I should start from the beginning…
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
One Tiny Tight Rope
This will be my last post of love. Love is a sensitive subject. Every person has something to say about it and something they think is right about it. Everyone experiences love and it is so difficult to define that poets turn to nature and artists turn to vibrant colors.
My experiences with love have been all across the board and of course I think I’m right, doesn’t everyone?
When I started writing on this particular subject I had no idea it would affect me so greatly. I am raw with feelings, good and bad. I am starting to see this thin line that I keep trying to get onto while writing about love and all I am doing is jumping right over it or falling off. Let me tell you, falling off of an imaginary line is not a walk in the park.
If I could say one more thing about love, it would be the following:
I could search all day, every day for “the one”; but until I stop and breathe he will never find me. In the mean time, I’m just going to work on breathing.
My experiences with love have been all across the board and of course I think I’m right, doesn’t everyone?
When I started writing on this particular subject I had no idea it would affect me so greatly. I am raw with feelings, good and bad. I am starting to see this thin line that I keep trying to get onto while writing about love and all I am doing is jumping right over it or falling off. Let me tell you, falling off of an imaginary line is not a walk in the park.
If I could say one more thing about love, it would be the following:
I could search all day, every day for “the one”; but until I stop and breathe he will never find me. In the mean time, I’m just going to work on breathing.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Stupid Ex
I’m opposed to many things but love isn’t one of them. Just because I talk about the difficulties of dating for a woman like me doesn’t mean I am against men. I love men. I could go into more detail, but I really don’t think it would be appropriate.
As it stands, and I will make this public knowledge, I have been in a relationship, fallen in love, trusted someone, and been burned. Do you know what I learned from that relationship?
I learned what most people should already know, but don’t. Trust yourself and love yourself. If you don’t do those two things you will have absolutely no success in relationships. None.
It’s simple, if you don’t love who you are then how can you possibly love the person standing right next to you? How can you even see the person sitting across from you? How can you see yourself? You can’t. You can’t see anything. You are blind, and that’s not good when it comes to love because love is already a hindrance to sight.
Let me see if I can break this down. The man I thought I wanted was tall, dark and handsome. Fun and easy to get along with. Happy and driven and works hard, and he needed to be smart but not necessarily educated. I wanted my dream man to have a passion for something and to be dedicated to his family. And, guess what, I found that. But, do you know what it came with?
The man I thought I would marry one day ended up threatening his own life, having no back bone and doing only what his mother says, having incredible anger issues, and controlled my every move. He was manipulative and talked about our sex life with his buddies. Side note, ladies, if a guy talks about your sex life with other people besides you then it’s a huge red flag. It took me three months to realize that he wasn’t the one for me and I decided to dedicate a year of my life to me. Concentrating on my studies as well as my mental and emotional development and well being.
But now, I am confident and I love who I am and I don’t want to lower my standards just to be with a guy. Things are clearer for me, but the difficulty of my past and present give obstacles for my future. (See what I did there? Clever, no?)
Don’t get caught up in the perfect guy, get caught up in the imperfect you and a guy will come along that will love you for exactly who you are. At least, that’s what I try to tell myself every morning when I wake up.
As it stands, and I will make this public knowledge, I have been in a relationship, fallen in love, trusted someone, and been burned. Do you know what I learned from that relationship?
I learned what most people should already know, but don’t. Trust yourself and love yourself. If you don’t do those two things you will have absolutely no success in relationships. None.
It’s simple, if you don’t love who you are then how can you possibly love the person standing right next to you? How can you even see the person sitting across from you? How can you see yourself? You can’t. You can’t see anything. You are blind, and that’s not good when it comes to love because love is already a hindrance to sight.
Let me see if I can break this down. The man I thought I wanted was tall, dark and handsome. Fun and easy to get along with. Happy and driven and works hard, and he needed to be smart but not necessarily educated. I wanted my dream man to have a passion for something and to be dedicated to his family. And, guess what, I found that. But, do you know what it came with?
The man I thought I would marry one day ended up threatening his own life, having no back bone and doing only what his mother says, having incredible anger issues, and controlled my every move. He was manipulative and talked about our sex life with his buddies. Side note, ladies, if a guy talks about your sex life with other people besides you then it’s a huge red flag. It took me three months to realize that he wasn’t the one for me and I decided to dedicate a year of my life to me. Concentrating on my studies as well as my mental and emotional development and well being.
But now, I am confident and I love who I am and I don’t want to lower my standards just to be with a guy. Things are clearer for me, but the difficulty of my past and present give obstacles for my future. (See what I did there? Clever, no?)
Don’t get caught up in the perfect guy, get caught up in the imperfect you and a guy will come along that will love you for exactly who you are. At least, that’s what I try to tell myself every morning when I wake up.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Stop Fixing Everything
In accordance with some readers, I am well versed in the ways of “daddy problems.” And, they are right. You never get rid of them; once they exist they always exist.
But let me explain to you what happens to the common woman. (Notice I didn’t say the common woman with daddy problems)
I had a friend, let me call her Leslie. Leslie and I worked together and went to school together. She was a few years younger than I but a very smart, lively, fun and outgoing person.
She met a man online and she fell in love with him and after her graduation she was going to marry him. Her father was abusive, her mother left her when she was a small child, and her older brother used her; she needed to move out and marrying this man was her way out.
Leslie was incredibly excited and she and I would take regular trips to the mall to look for cheap wedding gowns that were her style. A year later, she got married.
I wish I could say that we still speak, but I would be lying.
She once had a facebook debate with me about politics. She claimed that Obama (the President) was a communist dictator and all of America is going to hell for electing such a terrible president. Natually, I assumed she was republican (which was different from when I knew her 2 years prior) but that wasn’t the case.
You see, her husband believes that all the presidents are against God and so she is against government, because government is against God.
The problem is that now she has changed so much that she is no longer the person she used to be. Happy and fun loving.
So, what’s the difference between she and I?
I still express who I am and I refuse to change for someone else as I refuse to try to change someone else.
Daddy problems are around and women will never admit to them… let them be and maybe they can be happier. There is nothing wrong with a woman who doesn’t trust a man because of the past they have, they are not broken… DON’T TRY TO FIX THEM.
But let me explain to you what happens to the common woman. (Notice I didn’t say the common woman with daddy problems)
I had a friend, let me call her Leslie. Leslie and I worked together and went to school together. She was a few years younger than I but a very smart, lively, fun and outgoing person.
She met a man online and she fell in love with him and after her graduation she was going to marry him. Her father was abusive, her mother left her when she was a small child, and her older brother used her; she needed to move out and marrying this man was her way out.
Leslie was incredibly excited and she and I would take regular trips to the mall to look for cheap wedding gowns that were her style. A year later, she got married.
I wish I could say that we still speak, but I would be lying.
She once had a facebook debate with me about politics. She claimed that Obama (the President) was a communist dictator and all of America is going to hell for electing such a terrible president. Natually, I assumed she was republican (which was different from when I knew her 2 years prior) but that wasn’t the case.
You see, her husband believes that all the presidents are against God and so she is against government, because government is against God.
The problem is that now she has changed so much that she is no longer the person she used to be. Happy and fun loving.
So, what’s the difference between she and I?
I still express who I am and I refuse to change for someone else as I refuse to try to change someone else.
Daddy problems are around and women will never admit to them… let them be and maybe they can be happier. There is nothing wrong with a woman who doesn’t trust a man because of the past they have, they are not broken… DON’T TRY TO FIX THEM.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A Whole New Level Of Sad
Taking a chance on love… it sounds so sappy and gross, honestly. I mean, really? It’s just like “a leap of faith” or “falling in love is like falling”… stupid little catch phrases.
But, the thing is, these catch phrases ring true.
Last year I was in a relationship and I honestly thought, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we would get married. Then I dumped him…
Santo made an interesting comment to my last blog (and I’m sorry if I called you out for making a comment… I hope I didn’t just scare you away.) He said that I need to just take a chance and stop making it impossible for men to like me. Great observation, but I do flirt and I don’t push them all away. I’m open to new possibilities but I also have some things that I need in a relationship.
The problem with women like me is that they have little or no men in their life that they can really trust. I constantly question whether or not my dad loves me. If I tell him certain things, will he still love me? What about my step dad also? He has acted like my father for 10 years, however, he still thinks that I could be doing more… I’m not good enough. Another reason to not trust men.
I have three options:
1. Date men like my dad or step dad
2. Become a cat lady and never marry
3. Do a whole bunch of research and learn how to have my own love
I want to go with option three, but its hard work, I have to change my entire thinking. You see my dilemma?
But, the thing is, these catch phrases ring true.
Last year I was in a relationship and I honestly thought, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we would get married. Then I dumped him…
Santo made an interesting comment to my last blog (and I’m sorry if I called you out for making a comment… I hope I didn’t just scare you away.) He said that I need to just take a chance and stop making it impossible for men to like me. Great observation, but I do flirt and I don’t push them all away. I’m open to new possibilities but I also have some things that I need in a relationship.
The problem with women like me is that they have little or no men in their life that they can really trust. I constantly question whether or not my dad loves me. If I tell him certain things, will he still love me? What about my step dad also? He has acted like my father for 10 years, however, he still thinks that I could be doing more… I’m not good enough. Another reason to not trust men.
I have three options:
1. Date men like my dad or step dad
2. Become a cat lady and never marry
3. Do a whole bunch of research and learn how to have my own love
I want to go with option three, but its hard work, I have to change my entire thinking. You see my dilemma?
Monday, June 7, 2010
"Girl, You're Such A Backstabber and Everybody Knows"
New topic – new week – and I killed a man!!!
Nope…
A friend of mine told me I needed to take more risks. I need to just go out and do something crazy with no reflection on the outcome of the situation.
Do you know what I said in return?
“Unlike you, I have aspirations.”
He’s a great guy but I don’t want to get arrested. I mean… what if I do something illegal and then get arrested. That goes on my permanent record and then it would be impossible for me to find a job.
But jobs aside, why don’t I take risks? Why don’t I just get up one morning and go to the beach? Or go see a movie at midnight by myself? Or sneak into Bush Gardens (a friend of mine did that)?
I would like to blame the men in my life.
I’ve had so many bad experiences with men who love to manipulate women. Men who say they will do something then don’t.
Being in love is a huge risk, a leap of faith. But what do you have faith in? Nothing, it’s so nebulous. I have a group of friends who have a hard time finding true love. They might date, or they might not, but they are looking (not very diligently) for a soul mate or one true love.
They think I’m the expert in love and relationships because… well, I don’t really know why.
Maybe it’s because I read a lot of books and boys don’t usually scare me. (Unless, of course, they have “douche” written all over them… then I stay far far away.)
Honestly, I think I will talk about love this week.
What to look for?
What not to look for?
What does looking entail exactly?
Why do we have such high expectations?
Why is it so hard for girls in their early 20’s, who didn’t really date in high school or college because they were focusing on their studies, to get a simple date?
All of these questions will not be answered in the least, but I will talk about my experiences with all of these…
I hope you enjoy the next week, and please comment… I love comments!!!
Nope…
A friend of mine told me I needed to take more risks. I need to just go out and do something crazy with no reflection on the outcome of the situation.
Do you know what I said in return?
“Unlike you, I have aspirations.”
He’s a great guy but I don’t want to get arrested. I mean… what if I do something illegal and then get arrested. That goes on my permanent record and then it would be impossible for me to find a job.
But jobs aside, why don’t I take risks? Why don’t I just get up one morning and go to the beach? Or go see a movie at midnight by myself? Or sneak into Bush Gardens (a friend of mine did that)?
I would like to blame the men in my life.
I’ve had so many bad experiences with men who love to manipulate women. Men who say they will do something then don’t.
Being in love is a huge risk, a leap of faith. But what do you have faith in? Nothing, it’s so nebulous. I have a group of friends who have a hard time finding true love. They might date, or they might not, but they are looking (not very diligently) for a soul mate or one true love.
They think I’m the expert in love and relationships because… well, I don’t really know why.
Maybe it’s because I read a lot of books and boys don’t usually scare me. (Unless, of course, they have “douche” written all over them… then I stay far far away.)
Honestly, I think I will talk about love this week.
What to look for?
What not to look for?
What does looking entail exactly?
Why do we have such high expectations?
Why is it so hard for girls in their early 20’s, who didn’t really date in high school or college because they were focusing on their studies, to get a simple date?
All of these questions will not be answered in the least, but I will talk about my experiences with all of these…
I hope you enjoy the next week, and please comment… I love comments!!!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
People Are Confusing
What if everyone was practical?
What if we all decided to do the "sensible" thing and get "real" jobs with a 401k and a benefits package and, the big one, retirement?
Well, some of us would be doing exactly what we are doing already, but some of us would be incredibly miserable.
Playing music, painting, singing, dancing, writing and drawing; they're all part of arts and we all love the fruits that are provided for our (the general public's) entertainment.
I know Ive mentioned this before but artists (of all kinds) don't get paid unless they have a big break. They live on Ramen Noodles and ahve serving jobs at a Cracker Barrell talking about when they will get this "big break." Some give up and some sell out. They stop doing their dream and start serving the public. And there are the people who produce beautiful work and it is stolen from them. ALl of this work is enjoyed y us - although we pirate it and borrow from friends, eventually stealing from people's livelihood.
But, thats not waht I'm here to talk about, I'm here to talk about jobs. And, this time, it's really jobs versus careers. The struggling CAREER of being an artist versus the impossible JOB of being an artist.
YEsterday, I went to an interview at Bush Gardens to be a costume character. Besides the fact that it's hot and it's acting (nither of which I car for too much), it pays $11.50 an hour. Great pay for a student. So I auditioned and it was fun, but I didn't get it... big suprise.
Needless to say there were 100 people there and I had the incredible pleasure of meeting 10 of them - or at least listening to all of their life stories. The realization I came to is that, although I am a writer and an therefore an artist, I don't concentrate on my art. I figure that will come to me - you know - my art (mojo - stories and creativity). I concentrate on perfecting my craft, becoming an expert in my field. The difference is that these people just play, all their lives, and they will probably be happy (which is great) but not successful in that they will have money problems and social networking problems.
But, who am I to say how people will really turn out? I just look at the patterns. I watch people. How do they act? How do they speak and why do they say waht they say, if anything?
Some of the people I met have truely raw talent, but why won't they practive their skills? Why won't they make the most of their talent and their passion? It's when you choose to do those things that you truely have the potential to flourish. It's so simple.
Why don't people do it?
What if we all decided to do the "sensible" thing and get "real" jobs with a 401k and a benefits package and, the big one, retirement?
Well, some of us would be doing exactly what we are doing already, but some of us would be incredibly miserable.
Playing music, painting, singing, dancing, writing and drawing; they're all part of arts and we all love the fruits that are provided for our (the general public's) entertainment.
I know Ive mentioned this before but artists (of all kinds) don't get paid unless they have a big break. They live on Ramen Noodles and ahve serving jobs at a Cracker Barrell talking about when they will get this "big break." Some give up and some sell out. They stop doing their dream and start serving the public. And there are the people who produce beautiful work and it is stolen from them. ALl of this work is enjoyed y us - although we pirate it and borrow from friends, eventually stealing from people's livelihood.
But, thats not waht I'm here to talk about, I'm here to talk about jobs. And, this time, it's really jobs versus careers. The struggling CAREER of being an artist versus the impossible JOB of being an artist.
YEsterday, I went to an interview at Bush Gardens to be a costume character. Besides the fact that it's hot and it's acting (nither of which I car for too much), it pays $11.50 an hour. Great pay for a student. So I auditioned and it was fun, but I didn't get it... big suprise.
Needless to say there were 100 people there and I had the incredible pleasure of meeting 10 of them - or at least listening to all of their life stories. The realization I came to is that, although I am a writer and an therefore an artist, I don't concentrate on my art. I figure that will come to me - you know - my art (mojo - stories and creativity). I concentrate on perfecting my craft, becoming an expert in my field. The difference is that these people just play, all their lives, and they will probably be happy (which is great) but not successful in that they will have money problems and social networking problems.
But, who am I to say how people will really turn out? I just look at the patterns. I watch people. How do they act? How do they speak and why do they say waht they say, if anything?
Some of the people I met have truely raw talent, but why won't they practive their skills? Why won't they make the most of their talent and their passion? It's when you choose to do those things that you truely have the potential to flourish. It's so simple.
Why don't people do it?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Whatever It Is That You Do... Do It Well, Or Not At All
Wouldn’t you love having a job designing toilets? Not installing them, not creating them really, just deciding which one should go where in a bathroom with tons of regulations. Then, after that, wouldn’t you like to design the floor? No? Yes? If I got paid enough?
Well, a young lady I met yesterday (I know I said young lady… I don’t have anything to say for myself) has her masters in architecture and that is what she does five days a week. It’s tedious and she doesn’t have a chance to be creative in designing what she wants to design. She doesn’t have her license yet, but she does have a master’s degree and yet she is not making enough money for the education she has.
I asked her what it was about architecture that she loved so much to decide to put herself through this agony of having all this education and no money. She said, “I just decided right out of high school to do it and I didn’t think about it again, but now I’m questioning why I did all of this.” She claimed that the teachers warned her about not being able to pay for anything once you are an architect.
You see, architects know a little bit of information about everything that has to do with building. The problem with today’s society is that the specialists are the ones that make all the money. There are only a few people who know everything about only one thing (or nothing as many doctorate students like to put it) and they must be paid a lot to stay in their field.
Of course the other kinds of people are the people who know a little about everything in life and a little more about one thing or profession. They don’t want to learn anymore about that profession so they become the worker bees or if they have a natural talent (or are in it long enough) they become a manager of the worker bees.
Then there are the people who know a medium amount of information about mostly everything and are continuing to learn more. These people get too distracted by the next interesting thing to concentrate on one profession. That’s the problem architects have. They know a medium amount about every type of engineering job, but they aren’t an expert in anything, and they work so hard for many hours. Eventually you must burn out, start actually making money, or find that you have a love for design and design on your own in addition to that full time job.
So, there you go.
There are down sides to every single career. Do it for love? Do it for money? Do it for security? I have no idea.
Architects can make money if they become artists, but if they don’t… well, that’s it.
Why can’t society learn how to deal with the creative people? The creative people are the ones we want to keep around for relief from the daily grind of life.
I guess all I have to say to this girl is good luck and I hope you love what you do because then you will be good at it. But isn’t that what everyone should say to everyone.
LOVE WHAT YOU DO
Well, a young lady I met yesterday (I know I said young lady… I don’t have anything to say for myself) has her masters in architecture and that is what she does five days a week. It’s tedious and she doesn’t have a chance to be creative in designing what she wants to design. She doesn’t have her license yet, but she does have a master’s degree and yet she is not making enough money for the education she has.
I asked her what it was about architecture that she loved so much to decide to put herself through this agony of having all this education and no money. She said, “I just decided right out of high school to do it and I didn’t think about it again, but now I’m questioning why I did all of this.” She claimed that the teachers warned her about not being able to pay for anything once you are an architect.
You see, architects know a little bit of information about everything that has to do with building. The problem with today’s society is that the specialists are the ones that make all the money. There are only a few people who know everything about only one thing (or nothing as many doctorate students like to put it) and they must be paid a lot to stay in their field.
Of course the other kinds of people are the people who know a little about everything in life and a little more about one thing or profession. They don’t want to learn anymore about that profession so they become the worker bees or if they have a natural talent (or are in it long enough) they become a manager of the worker bees.
Then there are the people who know a medium amount of information about mostly everything and are continuing to learn more. These people get too distracted by the next interesting thing to concentrate on one profession. That’s the problem architects have. They know a medium amount about every type of engineering job, but they aren’t an expert in anything, and they work so hard for many hours. Eventually you must burn out, start actually making money, or find that you have a love for design and design on your own in addition to that full time job.
So, there you go.
There are down sides to every single career. Do it for love? Do it for money? Do it for security? I have no idea.
Architects can make money if they become artists, but if they don’t… well, that’s it.
Why can’t society learn how to deal with the creative people? The creative people are the ones we want to keep around for relief from the daily grind of life.
I guess all I have to say to this girl is good luck and I hope you love what you do because then you will be good at it. But isn’t that what everyone should say to everyone.
LOVE WHAT YOU DO
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
For My Best Friend
I’m going to get a shot this morning and I’m leaving in about… well, right now. So I figured I’d take this untaken moment to write about why I am here. Blogging. About? Nothing?
My overall goal is to become a better writer. Though I might talk all the time about not knowing what to do for the rest of my life I would love to be a writer. That’s my passion.
I enjoy waking up every morning, drinking my coffee, eating my two eggs and low fat turkey bacon and thinking about what to write for the day while responding to my emails and facebook messages. I don’t have many, but it’s enough for me to handle.
If a person, of any sort, wants to be world class at anything they need to put in a lot of time for their profession. Bill Gates might have dropped out of college but he spent thousands of hours, from the age of 14, programming. Shakespeare first started writing plays early in life, but his first plays weren’t very good. The ideas were good and they were there, but it wasn’t until Hamlet, when he had already put thousands of hours into his writing, that he actually had a play that met all of the requirements and pushed the envelope. Each play that he wrote throughout his career got better and better. It comes with practice.
Anyway… I need to get a travel mug of coffee and brush my teeth. SO I will leave with this (for my best friend).
1. I’m sorry that I stole your life.
2. The oil spill is crazy and we should never buy from BP again because I don’t care what anyone says, BP wasn’t paying attention to their workers and their workers screwed up and I hope the people responsible for the oil spill are helping clean it up and then looking for a new job. I know, I’m harsh.
My overall goal is to become a better writer. Though I might talk all the time about not knowing what to do for the rest of my life I would love to be a writer. That’s my passion.
I enjoy waking up every morning, drinking my coffee, eating my two eggs and low fat turkey bacon and thinking about what to write for the day while responding to my emails and facebook messages. I don’t have many, but it’s enough for me to handle.
If a person, of any sort, wants to be world class at anything they need to put in a lot of time for their profession. Bill Gates might have dropped out of college but he spent thousands of hours, from the age of 14, programming. Shakespeare first started writing plays early in life, but his first plays weren’t very good. The ideas were good and they were there, but it wasn’t until Hamlet, when he had already put thousands of hours into his writing, that he actually had a play that met all of the requirements and pushed the envelope. Each play that he wrote throughout his career got better and better. It comes with practice.
Anyway… I need to get a travel mug of coffee and brush my teeth. SO I will leave with this (for my best friend).
1. I’m sorry that I stole your life.
2. The oil spill is crazy and we should never buy from BP again because I don’t care what anyone says, BP wasn’t paying attention to their workers and their workers screwed up and I hope the people responsible for the oil spill are helping clean it up and then looking for a new job. I know, I’m harsh.
Monday, May 31, 2010
What The Heck Is Wrong With The Work Place Today?
Completely abandoned, I grew frustrated as my back started to spasm and my stomach started to yell. At my job, on a Sunday, we need five to six people to run the store. One manager and one worker in copy center, another in office supplies, another in business machines and then two split shifts for the front. I was the second split shift cashier, 12-6:30 was my shift.
Since the store is only open for eight hours, we don’t need as many employees but the employees we do need have to show up, and that’s where we were severely screwed.
I’ve had some training in each department, so I was ok, most of the time, to answer and customer questions but there are only so many departments that three people can cover.
So, what is the point? Why would I want to stay at a job where half of the staff can call out and we’re all screwed for showing up? Seriously?? I have to do more work for the same amount of pay.
If this type of thing only happened once in a blue moon I would be ok, but this kind of thing happens all of the time.
So, what do I suggest for people like me? The people who actually show up to work on time in uniform with a pleasant attitude and know right from wrong?
Well… Get a freakin’ education.
No joke. My manager chose the profession she’s in and now she has to put up with this until she either changes professions or retires. But at least she enjoys the work she does… managing two people that are supposed to be four is so rough. Burning the good people out of a job.
But it all comes back to what kind of education a person should get. My dilemma exactly.
Well, if you know me you will know that I always do a lot more research than needed and I know (like magic) about this free career test that anyone can take. It’s called the True Colors Career Test and it shows your specific dominant characteristics and gives a little blurb on the career that might best suit your personality.
I took it about a few months ago and I think I was a green/orange. Those are my two dominant colors.
Take the test and tell me what you are and how that is a reflection of what you are doing in your life. I would love to know!
By the way, print out the results and keep them in a file or something. It’s a great thing to reference back to if you’re ever questioning yourself.
Since the store is only open for eight hours, we don’t need as many employees but the employees we do need have to show up, and that’s where we were severely screwed.
I’ve had some training in each department, so I was ok, most of the time, to answer and customer questions but there are only so many departments that three people can cover.
So, what is the point? Why would I want to stay at a job where half of the staff can call out and we’re all screwed for showing up? Seriously?? I have to do more work for the same amount of pay.
If this type of thing only happened once in a blue moon I would be ok, but this kind of thing happens all of the time.
So, what do I suggest for people like me? The people who actually show up to work on time in uniform with a pleasant attitude and know right from wrong?
Well… Get a freakin’ education.
No joke. My manager chose the profession she’s in and now she has to put up with this until she either changes professions or retires. But at least she enjoys the work she does… managing two people that are supposed to be four is so rough. Burning the good people out of a job.
But it all comes back to what kind of education a person should get. My dilemma exactly.
Well, if you know me you will know that I always do a lot more research than needed and I know (like magic) about this free career test that anyone can take. It’s called the True Colors Career Test and it shows your specific dominant characteristics and gives a little blurb on the career that might best suit your personality.
I took it about a few months ago and I think I was a green/orange. Those are my two dominant colors.
Take the test and tell me what you are and how that is a reflection of what you are doing in your life. I would love to know!
By the way, print out the results and keep them in a file or something. It’s a great thing to reference back to if you’re ever questioning yourself.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Teaching Pains-What Is The World Coming To?
I would not normally write this in a public setting but I believe it is important for what I am about to say.
My grandmother is mentally unstable. She has many different mental illnesses that hurt the relationships she has with her family members. Because she is a fully functioning 75 year old, she chooses not to take her medication, goes to multiple parties every week and attends 3-4 day excursions to the beach once or twice a month.
This lifestyle has put her so far in debt that she lost her house and is now living at my great grandmother’s mold infested house.
While there are many reasons why my family cannot help her it is not what I want to address.
My grandmother retired about 10 years ago, and is collecting social security. She put about 20 years into the system and she and her husband were not smart enough with their money to have a savings. So, why doesn’t she just go back to work? She’s able to, she has the energy and the strength and she’s out of money.
She doesn’t like her job?
I’m not sure if she liked her job, but I know that being a teacher doesn’t pay enough. Teachers in Hillsborough County are trapped in every school they work at. The average teacher is supposed to have two planning periods a day, one to plan, and the other to cover lunch duty or other various jobs that need to be done around the school. Now, teachers are lucky if they get one planning period a week. They are forced to cover other teacher’s classes because the county can’t afford substitute teachers.
This is a huge problem. On top of that, new teachers who haven’t figured the system out yet, are put into the pool. The pool is a place where you are still a worker of Hillsborough County, but you don’t have a guaranteed position at a school. But many teachers choose to stay because they love teaching the kids.
No wonder my grandmother doesn’t want to go back to work.
A teacher I know works on the weekends as a bar tender just to make ends meet. She claims she makes more money during the two days of being a bar tender than she makes all week teaching school. Full time jobs are supposed to cover everything, don’t you think?
A friend of mine has been trying to search for a teaching position for two years, finally found an aid position. She is getting paid $8.50 an hour and she is one class away from having her Masters in Mathematics Education. I thought if you had the education you would be taken care of. Not anymore.
Tell me, what experiences have you had with teaching?
My problem (besides the above mentioned): What if I become a teacher? What will happen to me?
My grandmother is mentally unstable. She has many different mental illnesses that hurt the relationships she has with her family members. Because she is a fully functioning 75 year old, she chooses not to take her medication, goes to multiple parties every week and attends 3-4 day excursions to the beach once or twice a month.
This lifestyle has put her so far in debt that she lost her house and is now living at my great grandmother’s mold infested house.
While there are many reasons why my family cannot help her it is not what I want to address.
My grandmother retired about 10 years ago, and is collecting social security. She put about 20 years into the system and she and her husband were not smart enough with their money to have a savings. So, why doesn’t she just go back to work? She’s able to, she has the energy and the strength and she’s out of money.
She doesn’t like her job?
I’m not sure if she liked her job, but I know that being a teacher doesn’t pay enough. Teachers in Hillsborough County are trapped in every school they work at. The average teacher is supposed to have two planning periods a day, one to plan, and the other to cover lunch duty or other various jobs that need to be done around the school. Now, teachers are lucky if they get one planning period a week. They are forced to cover other teacher’s classes because the county can’t afford substitute teachers.
This is a huge problem. On top of that, new teachers who haven’t figured the system out yet, are put into the pool. The pool is a place where you are still a worker of Hillsborough County, but you don’t have a guaranteed position at a school. But many teachers choose to stay because they love teaching the kids.
No wonder my grandmother doesn’t want to go back to work.
A teacher I know works on the weekends as a bar tender just to make ends meet. She claims she makes more money during the two days of being a bar tender than she makes all week teaching school. Full time jobs are supposed to cover everything, don’t you think?
A friend of mine has been trying to search for a teaching position for two years, finally found an aid position. She is getting paid $8.50 an hour and she is one class away from having her Masters in Mathematics Education. I thought if you had the education you would be taken care of. Not anymore.
Tell me, what experiences have you had with teaching?
My problem (besides the above mentioned): What if I become a teacher? What will happen to me?
Saturday, May 29, 2010
"The Time Has Come," the Walrus Said, "To Talk of Many Things."
The sky is falling…
No, but I am very surprised that I am finally starting my internship. It’s a small internship but I am able to learn a whole bunch about technical writing.
I realize it sounds like I’m bragging a little bit, and maybe I am, but I am trying to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life and I’m starting to realize that finding the perfect job is what’s preventing me from making any decision at all.
Maybe that’s why it’s taking me six years to finish my bachelors. Maybe?
What does the perfect job entail?
1. Good money
2. Security
3. Passionate work
4. Meaningful work
5. Flexible hours just in case I decide to get married and have kinds
6. A set schedule for dependability
7. The ability to travel (whether it’s for work or not)
8. Good bosses
9. Not telling people what to do
10. Not contradicting myself…. That would be awesome
You see my problem? I want it all and I can’t have it all, I just can’t.
So, last week I decided to go to the career center to find out who I was and what I want to do with my life… I mean, maybe I’m missing something.
Mrs. Career Center (because I don’t want to enclose real information) claimed that she believed I wasn’t ready to find out who I was because there were too many things in my life influencing me one way or another. She told me to take a test just to find out how much I needed to “work” on myself.
The next meeting she claimed I wasn’t as bad as she thought. To give you an idea of how I scored, good is 0-10 and bad is 45-65, I scored about a 30… right on the border.
The packet I needed to complete (which I haven’t yet completed) is a series of reevaluations of statements I agreed or disagreed with and rephrasing my statements to make them positive.
One of the statements I agreed strongly with is “There are several fields of study or occupations that fit me, but I can’t decide on the best one.” They want me to change it to something like, “There are several fields of study or occupations that fit me and I will find the best one for me.”
Moral, I wake up every morning and say, I will find a man… I mean I will find a great field of study and stick to my decision. That is, after I finish the packet and take the four part, incredibly comprehensive test… this is why this internship is so good, I will be able to gather enough information about the technical writing profession to decide whether or not it is a positive fit for me.
We’ll see what happens once I pull myself together.
No, but I am very surprised that I am finally starting my internship. It’s a small internship but I am able to learn a whole bunch about technical writing.
I realize it sounds like I’m bragging a little bit, and maybe I am, but I am trying to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life and I’m starting to realize that finding the perfect job is what’s preventing me from making any decision at all.
Maybe that’s why it’s taking me six years to finish my bachelors. Maybe?
What does the perfect job entail?
1. Good money
2. Security
3. Passionate work
4. Meaningful work
5. Flexible hours just in case I decide to get married and have kinds
6. A set schedule for dependability
7. The ability to travel (whether it’s for work or not)
8. Good bosses
9. Not telling people what to do
10. Not contradicting myself…. That would be awesome
You see my problem? I want it all and I can’t have it all, I just can’t.
So, last week I decided to go to the career center to find out who I was and what I want to do with my life… I mean, maybe I’m missing something.
Mrs. Career Center (because I don’t want to enclose real information) claimed that she believed I wasn’t ready to find out who I was because there were too many things in my life influencing me one way or another. She told me to take a test just to find out how much I needed to “work” on myself.
The next meeting she claimed I wasn’t as bad as she thought. To give you an idea of how I scored, good is 0-10 and bad is 45-65, I scored about a 30… right on the border.
The packet I needed to complete (which I haven’t yet completed) is a series of reevaluations of statements I agreed or disagreed with and rephrasing my statements to make them positive.
One of the statements I agreed strongly with is “There are several fields of study or occupations that fit me, but I can’t decide on the best one.” They want me to change it to something like, “There are several fields of study or occupations that fit me and I will find the best one for me.”
Moral, I wake up every morning and say, I will find a man… I mean I will find a great field of study and stick to my decision. That is, after I finish the packet and take the four part, incredibly comprehensive test… this is why this internship is so good, I will be able to gather enough information about the technical writing profession to decide whether or not it is a positive fit for me.
We’ll see what happens once I pull myself together.
Friday, May 28, 2010
The Verizon Guy Sucked
I realize that what I am about to state is controversial to most things good, but I hate Verizon. I had Altell before they went out of business and they were wonderful. They didn't treat their customers like... well, not customers, or cattle (for lack of a better term).
Let me give you an example of my burning anger.
Yesterday I decided to take my brother to the Verizon store, for the fourth time, to activate his phone, for the fourth time, because this particular phone has a problem staying on for any length of time. I figured, after making a customer continuoulsy come into the store to activate the phone because the previously sent phones were messed up out of the box, the Verizon customer service representatives would show a little care and concern and do whatever they could to keep their customer. After all, what's Verizon without their customer base?
Needless to say, the Verizon guy at the counter, who had a horrible attitude, decided to tell me a few things that were disturbing.
One: Apparently, if the phone is from Motorola then it's not the problem of Verizon when the phone decides to break.
Two: IT IS good customer service to continue to replace a broken phone over and over again until the phone starts working, "even if it's 100 times."
Three: He ABSOLUTELY IS providing GOOD customer service and I am MISTAKEN to think he can do anything to help the situation in the least. (Me... the customer... is wrong?)
Added Bonus: This is a little bit of math... but bare with me. The gentleman decided to tell us that as the Verizon representative he gets NO bonuses or deals when it comes to his plan. I was surprised, so I pressed on. He claimed that he must pay full price (no half off or signing contract) for a phone, however he only has to pay $10 a month for unlimited calls, text and web. He said that because he must pay full price for the phone it end up being the same price as what we pay. I'm no math whiz (I am an English major) but I can put two and two together, so I did. He was so rudely "right" about the situation he did all but call me a stupid little girl.
So, here are the numbers. My plan, which is unlimited text and limited minutes and no web is $60 a month. I paid around $40 for my phone (with Altell). I've had my phone for almost two years, it's had some problems but it's just now time for a new phone. I would say that a person (unless rich) keeps their phone for about two year, wouldn't you? Anyway, he paid $600 for his droid and pays $10 a month for his unlimited talk, text and web.
The Math After Two Years: Me-$1480 HIM-$840
If he chooses to keep his expensive phone for two years he saves $640 dollars. I pay almost double what he does because he is a Verizon representative. And he told me I was wrong. He told me he gets no deals.... He's supposed to get deals, he works for Verizon. Verizon would be a horrible company if they didn't give their representatives deals... I mean... really??
Needless to say, I'm changing companies when my sister gets back from Italy... I would rather pay more money and get people who are actually coherent and nice. Or, better yet, not "A-WHOOLS."
(I know I spelt that weird, but I don't want to cuss so that's my solution.)
On a happier note, I have to morning off to continue searching for more jobs. YAY.
Let me give you an example of my burning anger.
Yesterday I decided to take my brother to the Verizon store, for the fourth time, to activate his phone, for the fourth time, because this particular phone has a problem staying on for any length of time. I figured, after making a customer continuoulsy come into the store to activate the phone because the previously sent phones were messed up out of the box, the Verizon customer service representatives would show a little care and concern and do whatever they could to keep their customer. After all, what's Verizon without their customer base?
Needless to say, the Verizon guy at the counter, who had a horrible attitude, decided to tell me a few things that were disturbing.
One: Apparently, if the phone is from Motorola then it's not the problem of Verizon when the phone decides to break.
Two: IT IS good customer service to continue to replace a broken phone over and over again until the phone starts working, "even if it's 100 times."
Three: He ABSOLUTELY IS providing GOOD customer service and I am MISTAKEN to think he can do anything to help the situation in the least. (Me... the customer... is wrong?)
Added Bonus: This is a little bit of math... but bare with me. The gentleman decided to tell us that as the Verizon representative he gets NO bonuses or deals when it comes to his plan. I was surprised, so I pressed on. He claimed that he must pay full price (no half off or signing contract) for a phone, however he only has to pay $10 a month for unlimited calls, text and web. He said that because he must pay full price for the phone it end up being the same price as what we pay. I'm no math whiz (I am an English major) but I can put two and two together, so I did. He was so rudely "right" about the situation he did all but call me a stupid little girl.
So, here are the numbers. My plan, which is unlimited text and limited minutes and no web is $60 a month. I paid around $40 for my phone (with Altell). I've had my phone for almost two years, it's had some problems but it's just now time for a new phone. I would say that a person (unless rich) keeps their phone for about two year, wouldn't you? Anyway, he paid $600 for his droid and pays $10 a month for his unlimited talk, text and web.
The Math After Two Years: Me-$1480 HIM-$840
If he chooses to keep his expensive phone for two years he saves $640 dollars. I pay almost double what he does because he is a Verizon representative. And he told me I was wrong. He told me he gets no deals.... He's supposed to get deals, he works for Verizon. Verizon would be a horrible company if they didn't give their representatives deals... I mean... really??
Needless to say, I'm changing companies when my sister gets back from Italy... I would rather pay more money and get people who are actually coherent and nice. Or, better yet, not "A-WHOOLS."
(I know I spelt that weird, but I don't want to cuss so that's my solution.)
On a happier note, I have to morning off to continue searching for more jobs. YAY.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
"Life would be like a bunch of Thursdays run together"
Goodbye summer classes... hello working two part time jobs, taking care of foster kitties and taking on all of the family responsibilities two of my brothers and sisters left behind when they decided to abandon me most of the summer.
I'm not going to lie to you, I dropped all of my summer classes because I need my school loan money to pay for a new/used car. New to me... used to the rest of the world. Mine runs, but the windows don't roll down and the AC just broke. So, honestly, driving in my car is like driving in a moving sauna... or better yet a green house because I'm pretty sure there are stinky things growing in my car as it sits on the side of the road collecting pollen.
I live in Florida and this summer, as I am not taking summer classes and as I seem to be running out of summer time for beach fun and games, I decided to start a blog. First, I decided to write the blog because I thought it would be fun, but then I never actually started it. Then I picked this book up, called "The Outliers," and I realized (more like read) that if I want to be a "world class writer" I need to put 10,000 hours into writing and creating. Not thinking about writing. Not wishing I could write. Not even editing. Just, pure writing.
For an athlete or a scientist or a computer programmer, it usually takes 10 years to get to that 10,000 hours, but, for writers, I would say, it takes much longer than that. Why? Because we don't write. We don't write. We want to, but we have lives and writers block and experiences to experience. But not anymore. I can't put in 8 hours a day, but I figured 30 minutes a day might add up to something. So this is it, my attempt at being a proficient writer.
Thanks for reading and I hope to see you again tomorrow.
I'm not going to lie to you, I dropped all of my summer classes because I need my school loan money to pay for a new/used car. New to me... used to the rest of the world. Mine runs, but the windows don't roll down and the AC just broke. So, honestly, driving in my car is like driving in a moving sauna... or better yet a green house because I'm pretty sure there are stinky things growing in my car as it sits on the side of the road collecting pollen.
I live in Florida and this summer, as I am not taking summer classes and as I seem to be running out of summer time for beach fun and games, I decided to start a blog. First, I decided to write the blog because I thought it would be fun, but then I never actually started it. Then I picked this book up, called "The Outliers," and I realized (more like read) that if I want to be a "world class writer" I need to put 10,000 hours into writing and creating. Not thinking about writing. Not wishing I could write. Not even editing. Just, pure writing.
For an athlete or a scientist or a computer programmer, it usually takes 10 years to get to that 10,000 hours, but, for writers, I would say, it takes much longer than that. Why? Because we don't write. We don't write. We want to, but we have lives and writers block and experiences to experience. But not anymore. I can't put in 8 hours a day, but I figured 30 minutes a day might add up to something. So this is it, my attempt at being a proficient writer.
Thanks for reading and I hope to see you again tomorrow.
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